Confusing....

I wish I could speak the words that are so twisted and entangled in my head at the moment. I try to think back to a time where minor comodoties where just that, minor comodoties. Do we try to think way to outside the box every step that we take whilst getting odder, I hate to think what my mind will be like when im 70.

The last time I had a chat close friend the conversation was full of umms and arrs the whole way through. I don't get the fact that two people who apart from living thousands upon thousands of miles away, living two totally separate lives can talk about absolutely nothing. Do we grow out of our friends? Or do we grow out of ourselves? I personally think no, but when forced conversation starts to play on peoples emotions I think that's when you take a step back and analyse what the hell is going on.

I think the fact that Im tired and both physically and mentally at the moment makes me a very boring person and this is billowing from me.

What to do, what to do? I wish that things didn't seem so much of a struggle at the moment, Im trying my hardest to be positive for everyone else's sake but maybe for the moment maybe I need to take some of my own advise and deal with the issues at hand. It sucks that you get to the point where this is necessary in order to keep up the current trend of your life.

This to you might just be muddled and confusing, but unfortunately this is where my head is at, at the moment. A huge big jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing. But hey a least I could report on the letter D.. LOL.

Oh well, that is life.

Listen up kiddies, the letter of the week is D.

The letter of the week is D.

Dumb- More people are theses days
Denial- That obviously I have loads of at the moment
Dementia- My Nanna just got diagnosed with
Doug- Who is starting to slowly forget about his aussie
Dirty- My house at the moment.. aghhh
Disgusting- The only word to describe my week
Dad- Yay he grew his moustache back.. Well done it just didn't look like you without it.
Devour- what I did to that chocolate bar yesterday, and still feeling the sickness..
Dumb- Sorry had to mention it again.. The world is full of them.
Daughters- The only thing in my life that can get a genuine smile out of me.
disease- That had my sister in a huge amount of pain the last couple of weeks.
Delighted- The way I will feel after a bottle of wine to knock me out for a few hours to try to achieve a bit of weak sleep.
Dead- This blog page..

A Stone In Time

If I could take one glimpse of your smile,
I would walk away complete.

I wish and pray that things could stay still, quiet and calm,
Just to feel you beside me, near and warm.

To hear your voice, to see the words flow from your mouth,
To finally close the gap that we have been striving though all these years.

My heart has waited and will continue to.. but my health is unraveling fast
Its ok, Im ok but the wait might continue for a little while longer.

don't forget me in the cold snow.. I may not speak but i am here,
Im always here, and show up at the most needed times, as do you.

Can I keep you? Can I keep loving you? You have my soul and my heart,
there has to be more I can offer...................

Escape from me..

I need a release.. a get away from this mundane existence. It feels like the world is smothering me at the moment, wrapped up with a string of work and more work.

Feeling trapped then targeted is starting to play on my nerves. Trapped by my own hand and targeted by the path im following.

Stars are glimmering but not shining like they should, my tired eyes are seeing things hazy and a slight shade and gray. Nothing is what it seems, more I see it, more I see it in me.