It's written in the stars

It has become apparent that the mood for January is full of dreams and aspirations, but without having my head up in the clouds that reality floats away. I needed an escape to paradise, an escape to a place with pretty white things everywhere, where the sun is shining and the people in the surrounds are smiling and being friendly. Oh dear, I just realised that sounds more like a mental institute than paradise... hahaha. But seriously I think I have found that, and I didn't have to look as hard as what I thought, It was sitting in front of me waiting patiently the whole time. Downfalls are behind me finally now, and its time to step up, speak up and wave my hands frantically so people can see that the new and definitely improved Nicole is here and not leaving! I love that feeling, the feeling of triumph, overcoming my shortfalls and learning from my mistakes to build this utopia that I'm calling my life.. Escaping from bad habits and bad thoughts is one part of this year, Journeys to be had, parties to celebrate, stepping into phase two with my little girls and having the ability to make myself beautiful inside and out. Does it get any better than that?? I believe every piece of hazy sadness has a beautiful golden edge of hope and happiness and its taken me quite awhile to realise that but finally I can and it is shining across my face and sparkling in my eyes. My new light airy side has also sparked a little passion to explore my darkside. I love the whole Rock gothic style of music and also the cool look of being an original rock chick. I know this might be a little suprising that this average blonde aussie has a bit of a rock darkside, but I must admit the look of someone like Amy Lee from evanescence is a look that I'm bringing into my corporate mumzie style just to spice it up a bit. (and Doug I haven't dyed my hair black... Well not yet anyway haha). I think with a great start to making me better can always have a little room for a few dark tweaks here and there. Well unfortunately my useless post tonight has come to an end but I leave you with a poem that I stumbled on whilst looking through a few sites, cross fingers I don't step on any copyright toes. Big hugs and sloppy kisses for all... Nic xxx Meet Me In The Starsby -By Paul Anthony Nierychlo As I am saying good night at the end of the day, And you are not here, but many miles away, My heart is so empty and so lonely inside, As I wipe away a tear I am trying to hide. I close my eyes and try to go to sleep, But with the sadness inside I begin to weep. Suddenly I remember what you once said to me, Just meet me in the stars, waiting for you I will be. When distance tends to keep us apart, Remember I still hold you near in my heart. When the night together, can't be ours, Just close your eyes and meet me in the stars. Remembering those words, I begin to smile, And gently close my eyes, lessening the miles. I can see the stars, oh how beautifully arranged, But you are not there, no hug to exchange. I sit alone waiting, with hope in my heart, No longer wanting to be kept apart. Suddenly in the distance, a shadow appears, A tear rolls down my face and the image is clear. There is no question it is you that I see, Waiting in the stars, just like you promised to me. You hold out your hand as you become near, And put it in mine saying, "I miss you, my dear." Suddenly there's gentle music, filled with romance, You gently pull me close, we begin to dance. Just meet me in the stars, that is where I will be. A special place in the stars just for you and for me.

Blah blah blah

In the next couple of month I am having an operation to get some scars removed after a horrendous emergency caesarian with my first little girl. I will spend thousands upon thousands to have it done. Isn't funny that we don't blink an eye at the thought spending this type of money to make you beautiful on the outside, but but fixing the scars within comes with a price that you will never be able to afford but want desperately. My thoughts at the moment are mixed, and confusing. Whether this is a good or a bad thing is yet to be decided but hopefully things will become clear soon. Im trying to take off the jacket of 2005, but things keep popping up and unfortunately as much as I try I don't think its going to leave our presence as fast as I thought. All this writing will probably make no sense what so ever to you, but if it does, can you put it all in 'oh thats right she is a blonde' terms and send it back to me. I slugged it out in the gym this morning my body feels like it needs more exercise, I feel fat and frumpy and extremely lazy, but I think a huge contributing factor is that the heat in Canberra is almost unbearable and also being on leave from work and staying in home comforts makes a huge cocktail for being a sloth. Anyway, there is suppose to be a full moon tonight, so cross fingers it will bring a change. A little piece of me, is with you reminding you of me, Im with you always, a hug when you need it, smile and shine bright, I know you will and I love you. Nic xxx

Goodbye 2005

Well finally that evil year is over and now we are heading to what could be the best year to date! This year is going to be filled with loads of excitement, change and new adventures, actually the new adventure is what is driving the excitement and change this year... Im taking a trip mid year to Canada to see my Doug and cant wait.. Im even excited about the long 37 hour flight over.. It feels like I have been waiting a life time to take this trip and finally this is the year!!! Whatelse is happening this year.. umm. oh my little girl starts school in February, I cant believe one moment they are little helpless babies and with a blink of an eye they are independent little people toddling off to school. Aghhh. I feel so old.. hahaha. Anyway I hope you all had a great Christmas and a fantastic new year. Nic xxx